From a Woman's Perspective

Do-It-Your-Self-Help, M’ija

2009-08-04T17:28:00.000-07:00

Ideally, I would like to launch this blog by saying that as I breathe, the summer air fills my lungs, flowers are more beautiful then ever and the streets of the city are overcrowded with people. But sadly, I cannot. We, here, in Toronto, have yet to see a summer. But despite how uncooperative the weather has been thus far, it has not hindered my peers from dating more frequently and lovers from searching for, shall we say, unexplored pastures to carry out the Kama Sutra positions they’ve exercised indoors all winter long. The fact is, we still embrace summer: rain, clouds and all. Life goes on and single hearts persist in their search for love.

The summer craze led to an interesting discussion one evening. One night while I was out having a drink with some of my girlfriends, the inevitable topic of men came up. One of them, the single one, made the statement, “why is it so difficult to find a good man?” At that moment and I hate to admit this, I judged her. I sat back and allowed an influx of both appropriate and not-so-appropriate thoughts to flow through this head of mine. I knew that I couldn’t respond with complete honesty and say: “M’ija it’s clear as day: your sad attempts at being posh and that air of arrogance that you emit make men sprint in the opposite direction.” Rather, being the educated woman that I believe myself to be, my filter kicked in and I soon realized that I was not about to pinpoint her imperfections, cuz god knows, we all have those. So instead, I smiled, and responded that she just hasn’t met the right person yet. Luckily, I was only on my second sextini because any more would have impeded my filter from working and I would have divulged my voracious opinion.

Now, come to think of it, I truly wasn’t lying, for I’m sure someone on this grand globe would look beyond her negative attributes and justify a relationship with her by seeing something more substantial. But if this is so, then why has my girl been through a series of relationships with no success? As she puts it: she’s always falling for the wrong man: single men, committed men, married men, you name it, she’s savoured it. But with the promise of love lost and invariably followed by a film of distrust, she’s now so jaded that you almost feel sorry for her. However, I’m not at that point yet-you know, feeling sorry for her. Anyway, I know this may sound not-so-nice, but I really do think this lack of ability to find a good man lies in her inability to recognize her own flaws. You see, in addition to her arrogance and itch for the “good life”, she’s a bit of a control freak. She controls every aspect of her life so to create the illusion that she’s ‘Ms. Perfect’. Well, I’ve got news for you, amiga…what you fail to understand is that you cannot always control life’s outcomes, it’s completely impossible. Now and then it’s necessary to put aside this domineering behaviour and embrace the unexpected because it might one day result in something quite extraordinary. Until she realizes that the lethal combination of all aspects of her personality are a recipe more destructive than the uranium-laden Little Boy, she will continue the struggle to achieve what she seeks most: love. So I ponder the question: Do I tell her that she needs to do some do-it-your-self-help before Mr. Right comes along? Do I tell her that her pretentiousness is the reason she finds herself coming home to an empty abode. Essentially, it’s only when she learns to be vulnerable and allow herself to freely fall from the chains of egoism will she be able to freely embrace what genuine love truly is.

Unbreakable Bonds

2009-05-10T15:06:00.000-07:00

They say little girls grow up dreaming of their wedding day. Dressed in a pink puffy princess-like dress with Mr. Snuggles as their prince charming, they play out the sequence of that special moment: walking down the aisle to greet the man they love. But somehow, somewhere this phase bypassed yours truly. I traded in the pink dress for a BMX bike and Mr. Snuggles was actually a fire cracker gun. I was indeed a member of the boys’ club, until I discovered the laws of attraction, that is. After that, I swapped everything for pink nail polish, a baby doll dress and some killer Mary Janes. I was on route to diva status and I embraced it.

Now, little girls grow into women and women still have the same dream of encountering a man worthy of marrying and loving. You see, last night I dreamt of my mother. She was helping me pick out a wedding dress and, like the diva my mother was, she had the entire store totally working for me. I felt like such a star as I was ambushed by an array of dresses. In the midst of picking out “the dress”, the oddest thing happened. I was awakened by my significant other’s alarm clock and I woke to the singing voice of Mick Jagger chanting the tune “You can’t always get what you want.” Can you believe this!? Remaining nestled in my bed, I couldn’t help but laugh as the irony of the situation was just uncanny. I told Big M about what had just occurred in my dream and we had a good morning chuckle. Let me tell you, you can never start a day off badly with a good morning laugh.

But really! What did this dream signify? Could those be wedding bells in the not so distant future? I think so. You see, it’s been two years since Big M proposed under the Spanish skies, while sipping sangria, on a Madrid patio with a toothless waiter. It couldn’t have been more perfect. In fact, it was so perfect, I remember that day clearly. I even remember the beads of sweat on Big M’s forehead. Well, actually, those could have resulted from the 40 degree weather we were having, but, I prefer to think that he was nervous before popping the BIG question. It’s more dramatic. In any event, when I think of marrying this man, I get excited. When I think of this man giving me children, I am elated and when I think of dying, I want him by my side. Such a gentle soul to accompany me through life’s many obstacles and triumps. Sometimes we’re spoiled by the gifts life has bestowed upon us and caught up in life’s pangs, one can forget about what really counts. But, by recognizing this means you’ve blossomed. Unearthing the value of what wonderful things life has offered and nurturing it is vital to your relationship. So you see, here’s where everything connects. This revelation together with my dream signifies that I am finally ready! Ready for what you ask? Well, ready, to marry this man and commence a life as husband and wife and create a new generation of little M's and Cosmo girls. I think I’ve waited long enough and it’s about time that I kick this baby into first gear and start to plan my fairytale wedding. Clearly, Mick Jagger didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, and he obviously doesn’t know yours truly.

But I must say, with all this being said, I have not drawn upon this conclusion solo. Remember my dream? Well, I have to thank my mom for yet again opening my eyes to another one of life’s little lessons through her stealthy little ways. With her clandestinely guiding me in my dreams, I’ll never go astray. Happy Mother’s Day ... you are deeply missed.

Me and the Music

2009-04-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

There I was in my little black dress, gracefully accessorized, well, at least I like to think so, and ready for my debut at the symphony. Yes, I was a symphonic virgin up until this past weekend and I am proud to say that I am virgin no more. I have always wanted to go to the symphony and I guess the years of indirectly pestering my significant other paid off. I’ve always appreciated the classical arts, on a mediocre level, but after this particular evening the sense of perception that I have for this genre of music has effectively intensified. To describe it in words, I can’t, as I don’t think I’ll do it any justice, for it was too beautiful for any linguistic form. All I can offer is to share my experience.

I’ll never forget that night: sitting in all that open space filled with the charming sounds emitted from the instruments - it was not only heavenly but it was sheer exhilaration. I have never been so moved. I sat back and inhaled what seemed to be nothing but absolute purity released into the air, and I was engulfed in nothing but flawless waves of sound. Every time there was a shift in tone, I felt my heart either sink or race to keep up with the flight of emotions. Watching these musicians submerge themselves in their music and play with such passion was breathtaking and precious. I was swept away by emotions and feeling enraptured in song, my emotions got the better of me. I was a mess. Thankfully, I was wearing waterproof mascara. It was an exuberant two hours that I will hold as one of my most memorable moments.

Once my odyssey was over, I couldn’t help but feel utter privilege to have been seated before this group of artists who immersed me in their work and took me on a journey to a harmonic place where I want to go again. Since then, every time I listen to the sounds of a symphony, whether it be in the car, while I’m cooking dinner or soaking in a bath, they never fail to remind me of the place where I once felt united with music.

Spring Tidings

2009-04-12T11:05:00.000-07:00

Hello ladies, it’s your favorite unseen blogger here ready to celebrate the seasonal change by embarking on the topic that we females just love to dish about… Men. After all, it is mating season.

There is, of course, so much to be said about the topic that takes over many of our conversations, but I am going to have to limit opening this Pandora’s Box for the sake of time, as I should be writing an essay and not blogging.

Now. Men! What can be said? They can be brutish yet still sexy, detached yet eager, bold yet timid, handsome yet internally ugly, strong yet very weak… and in some sad cases… they just lack overall goodness. Whatever the case may be, man has inspired this episode that I’m about to share with you. So as difficult as this may seem to believe (and I say this with such sarcasm) I made a friend. Yes, a friend. A male friend in fact, that I just so happened to have met in one of my classes a little while ago. I do sometimes wonder if he qualifies as being just a friend since he insists on buying me coffee and walking me to my classes. I’m sure I could get lunch out of him too if I really wanted, but, that’s just not my style. He is a nice fellow, and I do want to consider that he's just my friend. As a matter of fact, I refuse to believe anything to the contrary since he is fully aware of my significant other, whose name I mention in every second sentence of our conversations. Though it makes me wonder why this doesn’t phase my friend. It seems to just go past him like I’m saying words like dog, car or shoe. He’s undeterred and he seeks more of my attention every time I see him. Now, I like to think I have a decent IQ, but, what gives? I’m confused. Is it a boost to his male ego to conquer someone else’s territory? Is it the challenge of harvesting a bounty from lands that are difficult to cultivate? After all, man never waged war when something was freely granted to him. This must be it! I mean, it's obvious right? It’s the Pulitzer Prize of answers. It’s the nature of the beast. Man always wants what he can’t have. Needless to say ladies, in all fairness, we must admit that this disease is not just an affliction of man alone, but also women and I will be the first to admit… I am guilty as charged. But, since we’re not here to talk about us or our complexities , we shall go on. I truly believe that we will never understand the rudimentary ingredients that form the male persona- you know, that persona that perpetually makes our blood stir and hearts palpitate. So, all we can really do is speculate. Sometimes I think that the motivation driving my friend may just have something to do with that infamous little trait dubbed ego. It’s quite the force to be reckoned with you know. It’s the source of a gent’s manliness. Let me give you my spin on this trait, Ego 101. Now, when you encounter a subdued ego, bust out the sexy negligee ladies, cuz the odds are, he’s going to dig you more than he digs himself and this makes him a keeper… BUT ladies, when you encounter an ego that’s unyielding, point those Manolos in the opposite direction and start walking, cuz there’s no moving that sucker. You might as well make your way to the pet store, cuz you’re more likely to receive affection from fish. Essentially, the great thing about men is that there is an assortment of them, a variety to choose from. It’s like shopping at Barney’s for a new designer bag but so much better - you never have to settle for less than what you think you deserve. Remember that point, NEVER just settle. Now… back to my story. So, this friend of mine- Do I really need to question his motives for wanting to be a gentleman? Perhaps this is simply his nature. Perhaps he’s one of the few left that believe in chivalry. Perhaps, I'm just looking too far into it and not taking it at face value. Well, whatever his cause for being so nice to me, I’m just going to accept it and enjoy it because I know he knows, I'm well worth it.

Stuck in Reverse

2009-04-10T17:15:00.000-07:00

Hello my fellow intellectuals, it's your favourite Cosmo Girl here with some new thoughts, just in time for the long weekend to make you ponder over some of life's interesting phenomenas.

Let me kick off this blog by asking you: Have you ever met anyone that has emotionally touched you in such a way that you felt nothing but pure sympathy for them? And when I say sympathy, I mean sympathy on a level that has given you the urge to swiftly run to a telephone booth and come out wearing nothing but a red cape, a pair of tight blue spandex shorts, a bustier, black boots and the strength to save them like some super hero that saves children from burning buildings? Needless to say, I have recently had this urge, and my natural inclination was, of course, to help. My time at university is quickly coming to an end, and I must say, it has given me the opportunity to meet different personalities, and, anyone who knows yours truly, knows how much I enjoy meeting people. Now, some people I've met, I like... some, I dislike... and others... I just don't know what to think. But one thing is for certain, everyone has a story. Someone I recently met, who, for the sake of respecting this individual's confidentiality, we will call “Robinson”, struck a cord with Cosmo Girl. Robinson comes across as a callous individual, disconnected from life, but still quite intriguing at the same time. I very much enjoy Robinson’s company. You see, Robinson has a very cynical view of the world. In fact, I think it's safe to assume that Robinson's jaded. Why, you ask? Well, that's not for me to share. But what I can share, are my thoughts. If only I could make Robinson see that life is a wonderful journey that sometimes tests our boundaries, but also builds our endurance by pushing us down so that we can emerge stronger people. How do I help Robinson to emerge? How do I guide someone from the obscured path that leads to the death of their immortal self? How do you entice someone that lives in a dark world besieged by mountains of built up anger and pent up frustration to see the light that warms our faces and embraces our hearts with delight? The answer remains a mystery to me and I must say... I don't know. Therefore, I feel helpless. I can’t help Robinson. But what I do know: everyone struggles. People struggle to find their identities... some people struggle to find love... some people struggle to find answers to those questions in life that don't necessarily have definitive answers in this world of mysterious woes. In the end, all I can be to Robinson is a source of comfort. I can listen. I can try and muster all the forces inside this body of mine, wiggle my nose, like a genie, and maybe, just maybe I can grant Robinson freedom: freedom from this fight to fulfill this incredible void, freedom from confusion, freedom from self destruction. But, till then, I shall remain hopeful. I know, in the end, with some nurturing and guidance Robinson will eventually look out the window and see the sun shining brightly and I will be comforted in knowing that Robinson is free and it will be the beginning of a new day for my dear friend Robinson.

Goodness Prevails

2009-03-01T11:35:00.000-08:00

Us women, we can be such complex creatures. We struggle to maintain a certain, je ne sais quoi while still having some sinister.... let's say, not so nice thoughts. We conflict. We conflict with ourselves. We strive to be that good person we are all taught to be as children, but we just can't help but wonder... what happens if I tell her the truth? Does it make me a bad person? Should I tell her what I really think? Maybe I shouldn't. But in the end, it's necessary... necessary to ask yourself... do my words have meaning? Are they going to help someone in despair? Are my ACTIONS going to spare some future embarrassment for them? You then reason with yourself: convince yourself you're trying to do good. That your actions are going to make a difference. Where does it EVER stop? So here begins another tale that I am sure we can all in some way relate.... well truthfully, I don't know if I really want you to relate to this one, for it was no party. So today, I had an exam. As I sat reading my scribbled notes, I noticed a stranger sitting next to me studying for the same exam. She strikes me as the friendly type- so, I asked her a question and she, politely enough, leaned over and answered. My impression of her was correct. She was indeed friendly. (I'm a pretty good judge of character huh!) Now, as I continued reading my notes, my nose started to tickle. But it didn't tickle because I was about to sneeze, it tickled for some other reason. A scent. I've taken in that scent before and it wasn't the most memorable moment for yours truly. It hit me hard. This odd scent was coming from the friendly stranger. How disappointing! I rolled my eyes and chuckled in secret hoping that no one would see me and think I belonged in some asylum on Queen St. I wanted to tell her. But I… struggled. Afterall, she did answer my question nicely. Would I hurt her feelings? If I moved, would she know something was wrong? I remained fixed to my spot. I suffered. I breathed slowly hoping that I couldn't get the full stentch of what seemed to be dirty hair, while still trying to read my notes. Should I tell her? Am I turning red from the lack of sufficent breath? She may not know? I would be helping her. In the end, after all this internal strife, I didn't say a word. That good person that lays clandestinely inside this body of mine, engulfed me. I would hurt her. I didn't want to do that. I endured a painful ten minutes that will forever be the longest ten minutes of my life but in the end, I didn't hurt her. She didn't deserve it. I humbly figured, why would I reserve a spot for myself, down in the musty hollows, when someone who is truly sinister deserves it more than moi. That just wouldn't seem like the righteous thing to do right? Of course not. So you see my friends, when we take a moment to fuse those unpleasant thoughts with some good rationale and some good sense, we can overcome the most unbearing of situations and come out being the good person we all are.

Strange Happenings in the Suburbs

2009-02-26T14:14:00.000-08:00

There is something to be said for living in the sticks...There are times when one comes across those who are a bit on the...let's say, eccentric side (for lack of a better word). So, let me begin with my tale which is nothing short of interesting. So being a full-time student one spends considerable amounts of time at home, you know, studying, reading and sometimes just plainly screwing the pooch. Well, today just happens to be one of those days that I have dedicated to studying. As I'm peacefully trying to focus on my readings, I hear this scraping noise coming from outside. So I (who have turned out to be the nosey neighbour) look out the window and lo and behold I find that my neighbour is plowing the street, which by the way has NO SNOW! So in my mere facination, I decide to continue to watch cuz I could have sworn he was going to ram into someone's home. He must have gone up and down the street three times and then parked on his driveway. I couldn't help but laugh to myself in amazment at how weird this situation was. Was I the only one seeing this? WOuld anyone believe me? I think he was drunk! In fact, he has been known to be a bit of a drinker and the police have been at his house a few times in the past. So is my hypothesis correct? I'll never know. But what I do know is that it was shere entertainment for yours truly as I had to share it with all of you. Well, you're probably wondering what is the f*^&$# point to Geri telling us this story. Well my friends, it's not because I'm going nuts or bored, but it's for those of you who may think that there's no action going on outside the boundaries of Toronto-here in the boons we are indeed full of life. Next time you're visiting a friend north, east, or west of Toronto keep an eye out for those fun people that will entertain you by doing something really out of the "norm".