Aug 4, 2009

Do-It-Your-Self-Help, M’ija

Ideally, I would like to launch this blog by saying that as I breathe, the summer air fills my lungs, flowers are more beautiful then ever and the streets of the city are overcrowded with people. But sadly, I cannot. We, here, in Toronto, have yet to see a summer. But despite how uncooperative the weather has been thus far, it has not hindered my peers from dating more frequently and lovers from searching for, shall we say, unexplored pastures to carry out the Kama Sutra positions they’ve exercised indoors all winter long. The fact is, we still embrace summer: rain, clouds and all. Life goes on and single hearts persist in their search for love.

The summer craze led to an interesting discussion one evening. One night while I was out having a drink with some of my girlfriends, the inevitable topic of men came up. One of them, the single one, made the statement, “why is it so difficult to find a good man?” At that moment and I hate to admit this, I judged her. I sat back and allowed an influx of both appropriate and not-so-appropriate thoughts to flow through this head of mine. I knew that I couldn’t respond with complete honesty and say: “M’ija it’s clear as day: your sad attempts at being posh and that air of arrogance that you emit make men sprint in the opposite direction.” Rather, being the educated woman that I believe myself to be, my filter kicked in and I soon realized that I was not about to pinpoint her imperfections, cuz god knows, we all have those. So instead, I smiled, and responded that she just hasn’t met the right person yet. Luckily, I was only on my second sextini because any more would have impeded my filter from working and I would have divulged my voracious opinion.

Now, come to think of it, I truly wasn’t lying, for I’m sure someone on this grand globe would look beyond her negative attributes and justify a relationship with her by seeing something more substantial. But if this is so, then why has my girl been through a series of relationships with no success? As she puts it: she’s always falling for the wrong man: single men, committed men, married men, you name it, she’s savoured it. But with the promise of love lost and invariably followed by a film of distrust, she’s now so jaded that you almost feel sorry for her. However, I’m not at that point yet-you know, feeling sorry for her. Anyway, I know this may sound not-so-nice, but I really do think this lack of ability to find a good man lies in her inability to recognize her own flaws. You see, in addition to her arrogance and itch for the “good life”, she’s a bit of a control freak. She controls every aspect of her life so to create the illusion that she’s ‘Ms. Perfect’. Well, I’ve got news for you, amiga…what you fail to understand is that you cannot always control life’s outcomes, it’s completely impossible. Now and then it’s necessary to put aside this domineering behaviour and embrace the unexpected because it might one day result in something quite extraordinary. Until she realizes that the lethal combination of all aspects of her personality are a recipe more destructive than the uranium-laden Little Boy, she will continue the struggle to achieve what she seeks most: love. So I ponder the question: Do I tell her that she needs to do some do-it-your-self-help before Mr. Right comes along? Do I tell her that her pretentiousness is the reason she finds herself coming home to an empty abode. Essentially, it’s only when she learns to be vulnerable and allow herself to freely fall from the chains of egoism will she be able to freely embrace what genuine love truly is.